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Intention to Graduate

I just got an Official Communication in Oasis saying “It looks like you might be ready to graduate this semester - here are the dates you need to hand in your Intention to Graduate form by”. It’s a good thing too, because even though I am quite aware that this is my last semester of my undergrad degree, the whole “apply to graduate” bit completely slipped my mind! Hooray for library hold requests that I log into Oasis to check :P

It’s kinda weird thinking about handing in the Intention to Graduate form. I remember what a big deal it was the first time, when I finished computer science - I’d spent the last two years at least hanging out for graduating, ‘finishing’, for finally achieving the qualification that I’d put so much time, effort and emotion into. This time it’s not so much of a big deal… Partly because I’ve done it already; partly because I didn’t struggle nearly so much to get through this degree; partly because I’m going on to honours - this isn’t the ‘real’ end. Even when someone else in my class was asking about Intention to Graduate forms and honours today, and I told her that yes, she does need to hand one in even if she’s planning to do honours, I didn’t make the connection, didn’t realise that this applies to me too!

The most weird thing about this is thinking that I’m so close to the end of my uni career. I’ve been at uni so long, and when I started my second degree the end felt so far away - it felt like I’d be at uni forever. I had a sudden realisation last semester that I was getting near the end, and it actually shook me quite a bit. Uni has been a part of all my adult life. Actually, it’s been the focus of all my adult life. I study, work and socialise there; my life is measured in weeks, semesters and assignments. It’s a bit sad to think of letting go all the connections that I have there - all the people that I know from the past seven and a half years there, even the ones I’ve never spoken to, just seen around again and again; all the places - here where I used to meet my friend in my very first semester, here the way I ride my bike, this my usual route to the post box, all the classrooms and lecture theatres with memories attached, from paper planes and falling coke bottles to new friends and relationships, and hard work and boredom and late-night assignment-stress silliness.

But on the other hand, all sorts of things have been on hold “until I finish uni” - travel, money stuff, relationship stuff. I’m also looking forward to doing those things, and now that the end isn’t so impossibly far away, I’m able to start thinking and planning all the moving forward that I’ve not been able to do during my hiatus of busyness and student poverty. I’m also able to ‘break the rules’ a bit, as I am with my trip to Europe, although I am twitching about breaking into my savings.

Which brings me to another big reason for not thinking of the Intention to Graduate form earlier - planning a holiday; planning for honours, and getting Centrelink to keep giving me money for honours; doing two units, with readings, assignments, and so on; tutoring and mentoring and volunteering; sewing and crocheting; staying sane - I’ve been too busy thinking about all the other stuff! At least all those hours of enforced idleness on planes, trains and ferries during my trip will give me some time to ponder the upcoming changes in my life… Because once I start honours I don’t think I’ll have much time for it!

Posted 07 May 2008 | Important Stuff § Life § Uni | Comments (0)

Can Anyone Say ‘Assignment Season’?

The scarf came first, and I had nearly two balls of wool left over, so I decided to make a beanie. But it got too wide too flat too quickly, so I changed it to a beret. I’m pretty pleased with the result :)

Beret and ScarfScarf Detail

Posted 04 May 2008 | Sewing/Craft | Comments (0)

We Can’t Comprehend the Things We Don’t Have Words For

I’ve been sorta ‘collecting’ narratives of depression - whenever I see as book referred to, usually on the internet, I hunt it down. The first one was I had a Black Dog, by Matthew Johnstone, which had a series of clever pictures of how the black dog affected his life, with the dog following him around, getting in the way, etc. It was pretty clever.

But what I’m looking for in these books is someone who can wrap words around an experience that I’ve found impossible to describe. It’s words that I’m after, so the pictures, while cool, weren’t fully satisfying. The latest book I’ve found is Darkness Visible: a memoir of madness, by William Styron, and here I’ve found, not the description that I’m after, but at least an agreement that it is an undescribable experience:

Depression is a disorder of mood, so mysteriously painful and elusive in the way it becomes known to the self - to the mediating intellect - as to verge close to being beyond description. It thus remains nearly incomprehensible to those who have not experienced it in its extreme mode (pg 7)

He touches here on the reason behind my search for words to describe the experience of depression. One of the hardest things has been that no-one else in my life has been able to comprehend the pain, the helplessness, the vulnerability that I was experiencing. I want to find words that can explain it, so that they can understand how difficult it is to pull yourself, slowly, painfully, out of the trap of your own mind; how much energy goes into fighting the depression, fighting your own mind, leaving very little for everything else, from getting out of bed to caring about the people around you. But I’m beginning to suspect that it’s something that the healthy mind is incapable of comprehending. Even I, now that I’m most-of-the-way better, am having trouble remembering what it was like. Which is certainly a good thing, but isn’t helping my attempts to put the experience into words, so that other people in my situation can explain to the people around them.

Posted 04 May 2008 | Depression § Important Stuff | Comments (0)

A Finished Project! OMG!

On thursday night I had some fairly urgent reading to do for the next day’s class, but my brain didn’t want to have anything to do with that. It was in a sewing mood. And I happened across this pattern for a reversible shoulder bag….

So I wandered out to the study/server room/sewing room/stuff room, and pulled out my big bag of fabrics. I’m a sucker for fabric, although I usually manage to confine myself to remnants. And whadda you know - a while ago I’d bought a bunch of remnants because they looked just right for making bags! And then I’d forgotten all about them :P

I picked the stripy one to start with, and my plain calico to go with it. The stripy fabric wasn’t quite big enough for the pattern piece, so I had to do a bit of clever stuff with the shoulder strap, adding on a separate piece to make it the right length. I decided it’d be cool (and look better) to add the plain calico to the stripy side and the stripy calico to the plain side. I decided to add a couple of pockets, similarly swapped. The stripy pocket had to be little, because that was all the fabric that was left…

Reversible Bag - Stripy Side Out

Reversible Bag - Plain Side Out

I’m pretty pleased with the result, and with how easily I managed the making-things-up bits - no real stuff ups… It looks really neat - the seams are all as they should be, the gathers on the bottom are nice, the top-stitching looks good, and I think the hand-sewn parts are good and strong. I’ve been convinced of the goodness of pressing and tacking before you sew :P I’m slowly getting mad sewing skillz! Hooray!

Posted 22 April 2008 | Sewing/Craft § Shiny | Comments (0)

Fastest! Woo!

Fastest at Sudoku!

…

it still counts!

Posted 19 April 2008 | Random | Comments (0)

Fire Camp!

I’ve just got back from Spun Out 2008, aka fire-twirling camp. It was AWESOME! The atmosphere was great - cruisy and laid-back, but still full of energy and fun and craziness. Here is a short summary in list form:

Things I Did:

  • Learned some cool fire-twirling stuff - especially a fan of the anti-spin and isolations we did in the staff workshop on saturday.
  • Saw a lot of really cool tricks
  • Gave myself a henna tattoo, of a peacock and swirling vines
  • Watched a fire-show including all the usual stuff, but also a rope dart (which came very close to the people), a fire whip, spinning fire wheel things, a home-made flame-thrower, a wooden man set on fire, and a man riding a flaming bicycle wearing only a bike helmet and his (synthethic!) boxers!
  • Had a go with the flame-thrower - omg. so. awesome! You pull on the handle and this huge flame just goes *woof* above you - it made me laugh every time…
  • Did a bit of fire-twirling (with fire) - of course, once I had the fire I completely forgot all the cool stuff I’d learnt earlier in the day :P
  • Danced
  • Played fire soccer - which has to be the craziest thing I’ve ever done, but also one of the funnest. When the ball went out of bounds, someone would have to run after it, put out the little fires it had started, and kick it back in. Every now and then it would go too far or in the wrong direction, like, under the DJ’s equipment (which got us banished to the far end of the sandy patch), under a bush, or even under a car! (Luckily it just rolled straight through, and the guy who’d run after it just picked it up and pitched it back). Fire soccer was exhilarating, scary, hilarious, and awesome!
  • Learned a bit of contact juggling, which is rolling the ball around on your hands and body, and stuff like that
  • Decided that I want to go to Burning Man
  • Twisted my ankle walking to my tent in the dark
  • Talked to lots of cool people
  • Cut up two enormous watermelons
  • Walked on stilts - straight away! No desperate clinging to poles and rafters… I was pretty pleased with that :)
  • Rekindled my interest in fire-twirling, especially staff (I want to buy a fire-staff now…)
  • Generally had an awesome time.

Some photos soon, hopefully… But now I have to get back to the real world and do some work :P

Posted 14 April 2008 | Doing Stuff § Geeky | Comments (2)

Breakfast Banana

Breakfast Banana

Posted 10 April 2008 | Life § Random | Comments (0)

My Head Is Full of Stuff

uni - readings, assignments, mentoring, teaching, more readings, gotta organise honours - centrelink! so annoying. grr. holidays - need a Plan, need money, only 2 months, gotta find my passport, sure it’s in the pile of papers on my desk.. gotta transfer money, more work would also be good - lined up some invigilation - 4 tests, nice. will need to buy shoes, toiletries bag, thinking about bags - will need a day bag for wandering around cities. Rome & pickpockets. Rome will be scary, all on my own - will have to take Steve’s suggestion and find day tours, so I’m not just wandering around on my own.. Switzerland will be cool - mmm, mountains… and sailing - I haven’t done any sailing in years, I think I remember most of it - it’s like riding a bike, yeah? Speaking of bikes, my front wheel is still randomly rubbing - bit of a worry. Riding to uni, meeting at 3, 10:30 now, better get on with my reading… hehe, wrapped around back to readings :p too much stuff to think about! 83 pages of Islamic perspectives of the Crusades, 493-1174 should fix that… *sigh*

that is all.

Posted 08 April 2008 | Life § Random § Uni | Comments (0)

Promised Photos, Part 1

Here are a couple of photos of me with coloured hair, from the World’s Greatest Shave. I ended up with about $100, thanks to Mum, Patricia, Meneesha, Pat, Steve, Dunja, Mike, Arjun and Annika.

World’s Greatest Shave 1World’s Greatest Shave 2

I got pink everywhere - on my hands, the couch, several light-switches and door-frames, two t-shirts - that green one and my netball shirt, and the taps and soap-dispenser in the toilets at netball, because I didn’t want to get pink all over the ball!

Posted 17 March 2008 | Doing Stuff | Comments (0)

Out of the Woodwork (Plasterboard?)

This week, as I’ve sorta previously mentioned, started really badly. I’m pleased to say that it ended really really well. This week’s lesson seems to have been “You have some really nice people for friends”. Friends have just come out of the woodwork and been generally wonderful this week. I should have known that you’re generally wonderful people, I suppose, but it’s sometimes hard to see things like that when your brain is working against you :P Thanks guys, you know who you are, you’re awesome :)

In mostly unrelated news, I had fun on Saturday helping Dunja put plasterboard up on the walls of her new house… There was sawing and plastering and hammering and dust everywhere. By the end of the day we’d done most of the walls of the living area, leaving the awkward kitchen bits for the Sunday helpers, mwahaha. Here are a couple of photos from the day:

Joey broke the hammer

Joey broke the hammer :P

Dunja at the end of a long day of home improvement

Dunja having a rest and watching someone else work…

I’m pretty pleased with both of these photos. My camera’s going through a little phase of overexposing, but these ones turned out well, I think. I like the neutral background of the walls and the sheets on the floor, too… Yay for me…

Posted 25 February 2008 | Doing Stuff § Friends | Comments (1)